Today is the first day of the Louisiana Bar Exam.
It has been a long time coming. Three years of law school and two and a half long months of studying over ten hours a day for Jon. But it has been a long time for me too.
When Jon started studying for the Bar, I realized that everything was going to change in our relationship until the end of July. I got advice from many spouses of attorneys, my own parents and I looked to the internet. I found blog posts and discussion boards full of people discussing what was happening to them. It is an incredibly hard time and you inevitably feel bad for your own admission of this and the feelings you have. After all, you aren't even the one having to wake up everyone morning at six to non-stop study till midnight or carry the pressure of having the take an exam that will determine the rest of your life. It is just all around hard for everyone involved.
You start to mourn the loss of the relationship you use to have. You are frankly, no longer in a relationship with someone who is available. Yet every morning, you must wake up with a brave face and kind words. You must realize that they must do this.
There is an incredible amount of pressure. You must be present without being distracting. You must be supportive without seeming unrealistic. You (if you did not attend Law School) must accept that you do not know what they are going through or what they are talking about but you must find a way to relate and advise. You must put your own needs aside and realize that theirs are currently greater. You must be brave and strong in a time of complete uncertainty.
It is by no means easy. It is hard, every single day. To look down into the dark and realize it won't always be that way is hard, but so necessary. As I head into the week of, I find such a relief. First, Jon isn't here, but in Kenner, LA where the Exam is held. As much as I miss him terribly, there was something relieving about sending him into the world to do what he had to do. It meant it was over. Second, I know soon I will get him back and he won't be the person I knew for these past two months but the one I started dating, the one I fell in love with and the one I want back. We will go back into our happy state with few problems, an abundance of time together and being a true partnership.
I knew that as this experience closed for Jon by taking the exam, I needed to find closure too. I needed to let go of all the fights that happened, all the bad and sad feelings as well as the time that transpired. I felt that I must share my experience so that others can read and prepare themselves. To know that they are not alone and it will get better.
I can not begin to express my pride for Jon in overcoming this tall giant. It was no easy task and he performed to his best and greatest ability. The amount of hope and faith I have that he will do well is immense and I know that there is someone much higher up that is taking care of him.
So to those that have gone through the experience with a loved one before, I congratulate and admire you. To those about to finish the time up, we made it! And finally to those in the future, this too shall pass.
Image found here.
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